I had this really GREAT idea few years ago and was very keen to implement it during my wedding. But since it happened in a jiffy there was little I could do about it. So this is for all you guys planning a wedding……..

I always thought and still do that most wedding gifts are a waste. Not literally but they are not what the couple wants or not as per their choice. This is true because most people just recycle gifts and not much thought goes into it. I won’t fully blame them either since in this day and age of consumerism there are few things that people need. Its just a matter of what they want.

So, in order to benefit both the gift giver and receiver I have this grand plan -

Around the time of your engagement, make your ‘dream portfolio’. Include all the shares and mutual funds you want and put it up on a website.  Let people buy you, as per your budget, the number of shares / fund units and block that on your website so that the others do not buy the same thing. Since there will be around 6 months between the engagement and wedding people can watch the particular scrip and buy it at a lower price which is beneficial for them. And I am sure that you would have put good blue chip companies in your ‘dream portfolio’ and so their price will definitely increase with time and you can encash them when you want to.

Sounds good? Maybe I will moot this idea for my bro’s wedding

…for everything. For me, this is the first election that I did not vote. I have been extremely sincere every time –be it the Lok Sabha or Assembly polls –to go and cast my vote. Most times, my family and I were the first people in our polling booth.

But this time, since I am not in Mumbai now, I did not vote in this year’s Assembly polls. Feels horrible! Really! I can hear all you cynics out there saying – what’s the point? What are we going to change? Whoever is voted to power will do the same thing and ruin the nation, etc etc. But as a citizen of a democracy, it is my duty and my right to vote. I should cast a vote and pay my taxes. I know my vote may not make a difference and my taxes probably go into the deep pockets of those who I vote for.

But I perform these duties with the hope that some day, someone will change all this. It may be me or someone else but I know it will happen. Don’t ask me how. I have no clue of that. But some day, during my lifetime, I shall be proud that I unfailingly played my part as a citizen and am seeing it pay-off well.

But if I delve deeper into the issue, it’s kinda confusing. I am patriotic and all that. I love my country and am proud of it. Though I realize that there are almost 30 states and few lakh square meters which we call India, my country is Mumbai. Somehow my patriotism seems to be confined into that tiny little island. I do think of India as my country but what I discover now is that though I have a vague idea and feeling about the rest of the country, India, to me, essentially is Mumbai. Whenever I have lamented in the past week or so about my first no-show at the election booth this time, I am told that I should not be voting for the Maharashtra Assembly any longer but for the TN government formation.

Ideally, I should. But a part of me votes because I care about Mumbai and what happens to it. I believe that ‘Amchi Mumbai’ has a right to decent facilities and proper infrastructure. Sadly, much as I try, I do not have any similar sentiments for Chennai. The patriotic fervor in me does not rise when I speak about Chennai. Delhi may be capital, Chennai may be home town but when I shut my eyes and think India, it is the 8.43 local and BEST buses along with the choking traffic jams and Gateway of India which come to my mind.

On paper I am patriotic. Hugely! I am filled with sarcasm dripping words for my NRI friends and relatives who, according to me, have abandoned their country when it needs them most. I am filled with pride for each and every achievement of my country in any field. I abhor the general jingoism surrounding Indians abroad because I believe they belong to their country of residence and it cannot be classified as out ‘India’s Achievemnt’ in any way. But am I patriotic in the real sense? If I was, then should not Chennai’s water and power problems make my heart bleed as much as Mumbai’s overcrowded trains and potholed filled roads do? How different am I from my NRI cousin who has settled abroad?

Am I guilty? Of what?

Concluding Part to this series……….

So, like I was saying, after all the screening which would easily put the Indian Idol and Roadies to shame, the parents finally select a guy who is suitable to be presented before their daughter dearest. Then starts your roller coaster ride….It all really depends on how much you like a roller coaster…..fear or fun is yours to choose.

SIXTH STAGE -Meeting the boy
Yes! This is it. Though there is no assurance that the first guy you meet will be ‘The One’ but you do go with the hope that it should be so. Typically, what happened with me was that my parents gave my mobile number to his parents who in turn passed it on to the guy who then called me, usually, at the most inappropriate time and sweetly asked, ” Right time to talk?”. I had half a mind to scream, ” Nooooo. I usually always work at 11 am on a weekday and right now I am sitting with my boss and his boss and this is SO NOT the right time.” Instead I grin sheapishly at my bosses and excuse myself from the conference room and talk to my Mr. Probably Right. Why? Cos I have a mother who can take such stuff very seriously and I was strictly instructed to drop everything and talk to the guy as also agree to meet him wherever and whenever it is convinient for him irrespective of the fact that I may have a movie booked for the same time or that I have to travel half the world to reach where he tells me. So this much I did. Talk, that is, not miss my movie. I maneuvered around that one successfully. Always.

So Scenario 1 -Only boy meets girl

This happened at Barista or CCD mostly. At one point of time in life, the Barista guy near my place was bewildered to see me every sunday with a new guy. But he was nice enough to give cappucino the way I liked it.  So the review starts from the time of arrival. How late / early was duly noted and reported to their respective parents and used against the other party in case such need arose. Actually, my evaluation started from the time I spoke to him over the phone. I had my first impressions ready before meeting the guy and kinda knew how friendly / conservative / funny / chilled out the guy was. On most occassions I was proved right. The guys were just as they seemed over the phone. Moronic mostly. No offence but I was appalled by the frequency of wierdos in my matchmaking scene. Half the reason I agreed to an arranged marriage were my brothers (own and cousins) who are absolutely brilliant with a very good sense of humor and amazing conversation skills. I figured if the rest of our tribe was even half this good I could make do.

But hell no! It seemed like I was brought up with the creme de la creme of the Iyengar clan and most others were nuts. Maybe there were smart guys but I did’nt meet any. So it doe not count.

Most guys I met did not watch movies / surf the net / go out with friends. What is the probability that all the loner Iyengars were queued up for me? Couple of them were even gloating about it -’I am a loner. *smirk*’ I ran.

Others rated very high on the MCP scale.  ‘You can do whatever you want. As long as you take care of my parents, our home, our cat, neighbour’s dog you can do anything you want.’  I was so elated on having found such libertarians. Grrrrrrrrr

Still others were huge fans of keeping score. ‘So how many guys have you met? Did you not like them all? Did you like anyone? Where did you guys meet?’ I wanted to wack them right there and say ‘ Rememeber to tell the next girl you meet that you were wacked by me.’ Alas! I coul not do that.

One guy I met at around 11 a.m. I had woken up around 10 and had a very heavy breakfast. He was all chivalrous and asked me what I would like to have. Since I was full (extremely) I politely declined. He kept asking and so I was forced to explain my late breakfast, etc etc. He still did not relent. Our conversation went something like this -

He: So what are your hobbies? Eat something…..

Me: No thanks. I love to read, blah blah……

He: Which is your native town? Eat something….

Me: No thanks. I am from bgkfdhgkfngkl

and we went on like this for about an hour. Somewhere in the middle of all this I had a neembu pani since this whole chivalry was getting on to me. But my really heavy breakfast prevented me from indulging him any further. Then he started his next tirade…’Have lunch please.’ I was ready to run.  Then he goes….

He: So what do you think are your negative traits?

I find this question very silly. Everyone loves themselves the most and what appears negative to me may not be the same for you. But questions have to be answered and so I picked the first words which came to me.

Me: Hmmmm I am lazy, an introvert and sometimes stubborn.

He: Oh yes! You are stubborn. Inspite of what I said, you refused to eat today!

Me: (WTF WTF WTF)

Yeah! It takes such kinds too to make the world.

Scenario 2 -The guy’s entire family and its aunt meet the girl’s entire family and her aunt

Such situations generally are hillarious. There is some superstition that ‘an odd number of people should not come for auspicious occasions like ‘girl seeing’. So the visiting party consists of guy, his father and mother and some obscure relative just to make up the numbers. Such relative usually thinks of this to be a great honour / responsibility and takes it very seriously by asking insightful questions to the girl. Sample this -’So how do you travel?’ ‘How far is your office?’ ‘Which school did you study?’ and suchlike. In case it was tough to procure an obscure relative the accompanying member to the trio is an apology. ‘ You see, there was no one else. What to do?  We tried to get my sister’s husband’s brother-in-law’s second cousin but something urgent came up in the last minute and she could not make it.

We have done this a couple of times too. I was never comfortable with my extended family having detailed information with regard to my guy-evaluation techniques and hence  we took an apology along.

The initial half hour or so is spent in exchanging background information like which village / seer / etc the 2 families belonged to, how many brothers and sisters did the 2 sets of parents have and how many of them were in Chennai, how many retired / retiring this year and how many children each one of them had. I have 6 aunts and 3 uncles with a total of 18 cousins. You can imagine the fun, especially if the other family was equally matched. The basic purpose was of course to find some common friend / relative through whom an independant background check could be done. I let this part of the conversation go over my head and instead watched everyone’s expressions / reactions and smirked to myself.

The guys in such a scenario usually scrutinized the tiles on my floor and I smirked some more. The next stage was the one I found most irritating - ’Checking out the house’. I had a fight with my parents before every guy and his family visited us. What was the necessity to take them around our home, especially my bedroom. I felt it to be such an invasion of privacy. But my parents never listened. On the very rare occassions that my parents forgot, the visiting people would either hint / ask directly to be shown our home. So it was either -

Mother of Guy: (looking around) So how many rooms do you have?

or

Father of Guy nudged by Mother of Guy: Is this the way to your kitchen?

Me: (Grrrr! That is the main door through which you entered and shall soon exit)

My Parents: Oh please come and look……….

Procession starts -

Mom: This book shelf was my daughter’s idea.

Mother of Guy: So nice! So nice!

Me: (Grrr! Mom, not again. It does not take much to select one from a pile of books)

Mom: These pots were painted and decorated by my daughter

Father of Guy: So pretty! So creative!

Me: ( I do pity you sir. What my mom did not tell you is that those pots are about the only creative thing I have done in these 20 something years of my life)

Then was the snack time. One sweet stuff and one farsan type with either coffee or juice as preferred.

After which my dad would address the guy -’Why dont you and my daughter go to her room and talk?’

 And for what happened next, refer to Scenario 1.

But I do remember this particularly funny incident. When Dad, as usual, suggested to the guy that he and me could go to the other room and talk, the guy freaked.

Dad: Why dont you and my daughter go to her room and chat up?

Guy: No, its ok

Me: (Eh???? WTF)

Dad: Errrr. No no. Its fine. Please.

Guy: No. No. I dont want to go

Dad: Its absolutely fine. Please feel free to talk as much as you want.

Guy: No! No! I have nothing to ask her

Me: (*smirk* *smirk* Dad, this one is done for!)

Dad: (desperately) Please go!

Guy’s Mom: Come on! You may have nothing to ask but she would. So go and talk to her

Guy: Ok

I don’t have to tell you where that led to. Absolute rejection. But my bro and me had an amazing time guffawing over him.

Well jokes apart, I hope you enjoyed this and picked up something useful. All I can offer by way of advice is this -

Never commit to anyone on the spot. Even if the guy asks / pesters you for an opinion, tell him its a HUGE decision and you would want to think it over.

Be prepared for your meeting but not overprepared. I mean, don’t go with a checklist and stick to it and fire away questions like a stress interview. Think of what points you would like to cover, your expectations and your non compromisables. Steer the conversation the way you like without being too rigid about it.

Go with an open mind. Chat up with him / her as you would to a new colleague / acquaintance.

Remember everything you spoke and discuss it with your sibling / parent / friend. A different perspective always helps

Try to meet up atleast a couple of times before taking a decision. If that is not possible then remember one thing -When in doubt, say NO.

Hope you had fun reading this. I had an awesome trip down memory lane. I’ll try and add bits as and when I remember it.

Ciao! Have fun

After all those words of wisdom, its time to put them into deeds and show you my golu for this year. Due to various reasons, (irrelevant to the world at large), this time we settled for a very small simple golu and most people did not tire reminding us of that fact. Anyways, here it is. Look and judge for yourself -

We set up our golu all over the house. Starting with the entrance and the shoe rack (which are the first 2 pics) to the regular show case, crockery shelves and between our seating arangements also including lamps which add to the entire visual ambience (next 4 pics) and finally a small 3 padi golu which are in the last 3 snaps.

I love it don’t you?

Hi guys

Please read this & support them.  Such a ridiculous thing don’t you think?

To all members – An appeal for your personal opinions & Support

 
Hello,
My name is Partha and I manage the oktatabyebye.com website, in fact have, for the last 2 years. A very strange time is upon us, and it is on that matter that I’m writing this appeal for your support.

Very recently, TATA Sons filed a case against us (oktatabyebye.com) for infringement of their name (as our domain name contains the ‘TATA’ word!). And in a decision by a sole panelist, ownership of the domain OkTataByeBye.com has been awarded to TATA Sons by WIPO (World Intellectual Property Organization) Arbitration & Mediation Centre.

Needless to say we’re alarmed by such claims on our domain name. The Oktatabyebye.com domain name is importantly a representative of the colloquial ‘OK Ta Ta Bye Bye’ phrase, which represents travel & journey related activities, referring to the generic word ‘Ta Ta’. We all regularly use the term for travel & goodbyes in our country, and across many others.

Would you say it is bizarre, that a word as generic in use as ‘Ta Ta’ used in our domain name could infringe a copyright and cause confusion? Or that oktatabyebye.com, in bad intention, or otherwise, seeks to cause confusion with TATA Sons, for its own gains?

OkTataByeBye.com is a legitimate business, built into a credible site for travel lovers, with your contributions. So, we will appeal in the Delhi High Courts within the next ten days.

Please help preserve rights of the Okatatabyebye.com domain name.

People, please do click here to register your support. As far as I can see, the term ‘ok tata bye bye’ is typical of saying goodbye when you leave. I have been using this phrase since childhood  and knew it long before I was introduced to the greatness of the Tata family / companies. Is it not alarming that such a legendary company such as the Tatas would do something like this?

Some more funda on golu –

Another easy theme would be a zoo where you can display different animals and also some generic dolls which can be shown as visiting the zoo. One year we showcased the Olympics. An old small teddy bear was designated mascot and we displayed tracks (good old kolam strips on sawdust / mud), long jump, high jump and swimming events in which we put some water in a rectangular vessel and colored the bottom of the vessel blue to give a pool effect.

Another theme could be snapshots of the life of Krishna/Rama. Easy to do events would be Krishna stealing the butter, ‘raas leela’, ‘Geeta Upadesh’, etc.

To decorate the golu padi you can use the crepe ribbons. We had once weaved the ribbons like a mat and put it in the background. It gave the golu an extremely colorful and vibrant look. We needed a background cover since it were semi-circular padis. In the usual straight padi, background will not be required.

Tip -If you receive bouquets then save up those small pots in which they come. You can either plant something in them and keep in the border or paint them and display.

Continuing from where I left it yesterday -

Our golu usually comprised of the 5 padis and a theme which was displayed on the floor. The padis had the comparatively bigger ‘bommais’ with the usual suspects of ‘Ramar set’, ‘Chettiyar kadai’ (grocery store), few Krishnar bommais with the ‘mara pachi’ in the centre. Guess everyone is aware that ‘mara pachi’ HAVE to be kept first on the golu padi and HAVE to be the first to be removed too. Don’t know the exact logic but that is the tradition for sure. You can adorn the padi with some ‘series light’ which add glitter to your golu.

One idea for the theme could be patriotism –we traced out a map of India on thermecol. You could use the tourist / road map of India for it. You can colour the different states with different colours –Rajasthan a light brown to show desert and maybe a miniature Kutub Minar / Taj Mahal at Delhi and Agra. We had a set of dolls each of which depicted the traditional wear of a particular state. So we put them in their relevant states and added ‘Bharat Mata’ to complete our ‘Mera Bharat Mahaan’ theme.

If you are getting any wood work done now or anyone near you is then rush to the carpenter and get all the sawdust you can. Sawdust is of fantastic use in Golu. It can be used as mud in its normal form. It is easy to use and clean at the end of 10 days unlike mud which brings with it dirt, smell and some insects to boot. A simple theme could be a garden where you can have sawdust to depict the mud and people sitting around, children playing, etc. It will take minimum time and get you awesome compliments. You could add some plants and tree figures if you have. Else you can have some small plants in small cardboard boxes which will make the garden look natural. Mustard is obviously the fastest growing one. You can also try dhaniya seeds.

For the ambitious ones, you can even colour some sawdust in different colours and use it as you please. Green can be used to show grass, red can also be used to show red mud, etc. But colouring takes time. You need to soak the sawdust in the colour and then dry it out in the sun before it is ready to use. You can also use it wet in case you need to make hedges and such stuff. You do have good time for it if you start the preparation now. But if you have light coloured tiles then please be warned that the coloured sawdust (if used wet) leaves stains. In such case you can put a newspaper and then use the sawdust over it.

More ideas on the way

This post is kinda on popular demand. I find that most traffic directed to my site is looking for ‘golu padi ideas’ or ‘chennai autos’. I presume it is thanks to these posts. I don’t know what people are looking for when they search for ‘chennai autos’ but I have a fair idea of the former. So here are a few tips and ideas on golu and golu padis which may be of use to you –

I presume it must be your first golu if you are ‘googling’ for golu padis. I suggest -start small. 3 padis should be fine for your first golu or the ambitious can go for 5 padis. The easiest way we did it was to accumulate magazines and newspapers over a few months. If it is too late in the day you can always borrow them from friends and neighbors. For the 3 padi golu let the bottom most padi be your table. Arrange the newspapers in 2 rows to make a broad second padi and then the magazines on the first row of newspapers to make the top padi. You can cover these with hubby’s unused veshti (dhoti). If it is a nice one with red and green border then you have the basic decoration done for your padi at no extra effort.

If you want to go for 5 padis then, in addition to the 3 above you can add wodden trunks which are at a lesser height than your table and small wooden or plastic stools for the last padi. If the difference in the levels of any 2 padis is too much, then stack some newspapers on them and get them to your desired levels.

Golu padi is ready!

If you intend to do it religiously on a yearly basis you can get the readymade padis. I have never used them but heard they are quite good. Also you can get your carpenter to make it for you. In that case you can make it to 7 or even 9 padis. It has to obviously be dismantle-able and easy to store.

We had, after lot of effort, found a carpenter who could make a dismantle-able semi-circular padi set for us. Semi circular padis are fun. It’s different / novel/ etc. But the main consideration should be the kind of ‘bommais’ or dolls you have. In a semi-circular padi, it is tough to keep the bigger ones. One of the reasons we got it done was to camouflage our small bommais. But we have had it for about 12 years now. So you can say it’s worth the trouble.

I will put up our golu ideas of previous years. Feel free to use them if you like and do let me know how it turned out

Well, an explanation is due. To all three of you who read this blogJ. Why did I change the name of this place? You won’t believe it but my stat counter stands testimony to the fact that so many people have peeked into my land. But what it does not tell you is that most of them, a rather large number of people, have actually come searching for the term ‘idiot land’. Seriously!

Why? If it is any of you who don’t remember my blog name and google it everytime –well then that’s so sweet of you! But if not, well…….that’s weird if so many people are looking for idiot lands. One person was looking for ‘a rare breed of idiot’. Whatever that means!!!

Another or the actual reason is –When I started this page I had visions of me writing really humorous stuff and being the funniest person in the blogsphere. As we can all see that is not really going very well. Actually some people even beleve this to be self-depreciatory. How exactly I don’t know. But I thought about it all and suddenly inspiration struck. So I shall say I write whenever inspiration strikes. That sounds so writer-types, like I have had my works published fifteen times this year but all I do is write whenever inspiration strikes. Just like that! Ha! It has a nice ring to it and so it shall stay. However unoriginal that is. Don’t you think this title across my theme is looking rather striking!!!

Welcome to the land of inspiration. Gosh! What a ‘land’lord I am turning into

And my stat counter has actually hit 1000. Yohooo!!! I would like to thank { insert Filfmfare Award winner speech with my characteristic dose of humor of course }

I read this at a wonderful blog the link of which I am unable to locate now. Apologies! But this one is an absolute must read  

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
Something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
A youth she’s content to leave behind…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
A past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
One friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
A feeling of control over her destiny…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
How to fall in love without losing herself…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
When to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
That she can’t change the length of her calves, the nature of her parents…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
That her childhood may not have been perfect…but it’s over…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
What she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
How to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
Whom she can trust, whom she can’t, and why she shouldn’t take it personally…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
Where to go… be it to her best friend’s kitchen table… or a charming inn in the woods… when her soul needs soothing…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
What she can and can’t accomplish in a day… a month…and a year…