Hitchhiker’s Guide to Arranged Marriages -Part 2

Hope all you guys could digest Part 1 well and I am stretching imagination to the limits when I say all of you are more than eagerly waiting for part deux.

Me thinks that before I reach the ‘boy meets girl’ stage I should elucidate the types of guys you usually meet (rather I met). This obviously can’t be an exhaustive list but covers the usual suspects -

Maun vrat Muni -The true believers of ‘Silence is golden’. It took all my energy, effort and patience to get a 2 sentence worth from them. Any question was met with a single word answer followed by “u?” Something like -

Me: So what do you do? (lame question, but what else does one say?)

He: I work in blah company as blah. U?

Me: I am an investment banker working in blah company. I did my schooling and college in Mumbai as also my CA.

pauseeeeeeeeeeeeee

Me: So what is your work profile

He: Blah. U?

Me: Blah blah blah blah blah blah(pause for breath) blah blah…….

pauseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Such encounters ended with me trying to tear my hair out

Motor Mouth -Talk of opposites!! These guys, a rare breed i agree, ask a question and answer it themselves. And you are enriched with knowledge about them, their families, neighbours, friends, colleagues, state of this country, next rainfall, sensex movements, bollywood gossip,….in effect everything. Something like -

He: So what do you do? I work in XYZ company as ABC. During weekends I watch movies, catch up on some reading and meet my friends. Last week we saw this movie -it was so bad. I have decided never to watch movies with that actor ever again. Btw did you know he is going around with this actress. They have a flat in Andheri. Must have made lot of money to buy flats in Andheri. The real estate prices are shooting up like crazy. My cousin bought a house in Chembur for $$$ last year. This year my neighbour bought it for the same amount in Vashi. They shifted yesterday and we are having new neighbours tomorrow. Actually they were supposed to shift today but had to postpone because of the rains. That reminds me, what was your 26/7 experience? You know what happened with me?…………… 

Me: (Thank God! I chose the seat facing the TV)

Floodgate -When I started this post I swore I will not reveal any regional biases that I strongly possess. So I shall keep that word and continue. The rest is upto your imagination and understanding Quite a few of the guys I met were totally smitten. NO! Not by me. Not at all that. But by the general female population. Any lady and they would drool. It was quite embarrassing to handle that. If you like a guy drooling over you all the time, go ahead. But I could not. I ran like….like I have never run before. (And I have never run before)

Ice Ice Baby -Talking of opposites, I also found quite a few who thought they were the Almighty’s gift to womankind….like they are doing me a big favour by sitting at the same table. Well, well. Keep those thoughts and go home dude! Something like -

He: Actually I am not in much favour of this whole arranged marriage stuff, you know. Its like…like….crazy man. I mean how do people do that kind of thing.

Me: (Grrr… go home and stuff yourself dude) hmm followed by plastered smile

Medieval Man – Actually most guys are medieval….even those who think they are ‘modern’. But as far as they make an effort….I forgive them. I am quite benevolent that way But some take the cake. Sample this -

He: I will let you do whatever you want.

Me: (And please introduce yourself Mr. God Almighty)  Oh !

He: As far as you take care of my parents and do everything for them, you can do anything you want.

Me: (Ah! What untold freedom. I am speechless) Hmmm

Yeah! I tell you they were fun.

Ideal Man -Most welcome to my humble abode to meet him

I’ll conclude in Part 3. Keep watching this space!!!

This week in Idiot Land

Am getting set in my new space….it needs some tweeking and turning here and there……Hopefully My Idiot Land will be complete in the next few days to come -

Till then I have to tell you about 2 programs that totally got on my nerves over the weekend. I think its high time the idiot boxes (TV & FM) get better and leave stereotypes behind -

1. Read about this new reality show to be produced by Balaji Telefilms -’Kaun Jeetega Bollywood ka Ticket’. I am not bugged about such a wierdo name (I am, but that is not the subject of this post). Its some kind of contest with each pair has one celeb and one non-celeb for the 4 zones of the country -East, West, North and …………CENTRAL…well oh well. I am looking up my contact list for my school teacher who taught me about the four directions being east, west, north and SOUTH. Have the guys at TV Land heard of this?? The south….4 lovely states…..with 4 different languages. Breaking news -”Not everyone is a madrasi”. But no! Why was I expecting this? The hindi entertainment industry has constantly ignored the south. I fail to understand why. Before I am accussed of regional politics let me assure you I am a proud, extremely proud Mumbaite….born and brought up there and lived all my life. And have often wondered if geography was taught differently to different parts of India. I remember another program sometime back -Antakshari, me thinks, on Zee. 4 zones -with Central being the fourth. Wierd! Extremely!

The South does have amazing TV options in the regional languages -Mr.Kalanidi Maran’s Sun Network has done amazingly well! But I am just wondering- which is the chicken and which one the egg?? Have these regional channels started due to neglect of the South in mainstream hindi channels. Or is it because these channels have exclusive viewership of the South Indian audience that the Hindi channels ignore them?

Till then I’ll debate over N-E-W-S  v/s  N-E-W-C. Nice to know that this has also crossed the mind of one of India’s leading journalists -Rajdeep Sardesai.

Now for Number 2 -Heard this on a Tamil radio station yesterday morning…….why is the half-sari worn less? (Half-sari, for the uninitiated, is something akin to a ghagra-choli; a cross between a full length skirt and a saree.) Traditionally this was usually worn by teenage girls who were too young for a saree and too old for a pavadai (full length skirt). Thus the name -half-sari.

This was the discussion topic for the day -Why are fewer women wearing the half-sari. Are girls becomin more modern and abandonin it to shift to a salwar kameez? They went on to include geographical divisions between Chennai and the rest of TN. Or a urban-rural divide….blah blah blah. I remember seeing the same topic being discussed on a leading Tamil Channel some 10 years ago…..They actually had video footage of all colleges in Chennai and proved that more girls are wearing salwar kameez and fewer opt for the traditional half-sari. They even interviewed few guys who waxed eloquently on how tradition should be upheld and why they prefer their wives to be one who moved from pavadai to half sari to the sari and not someone who wears salwar kameez or jeans pant (thts the Chennai word for it, guys). All this while neither the reporter (a guy obviously! Which guy would miss an opportunity to stand outside girls’ colleges and just watch!!!) nor the tradition teaching youth gave a damn to the fact that one was in jeans pant and the other in shorts!!!!!! I remember ranting and raving at home as to how such hypocritical programs are aired in a channel that is beamed across countries. And today, ten years later, we have the same topic, the same arguements and the same logic. Have we moved at all in a decade? Being thoroughly disgusted, I did not listen to the entire program. Maybe some wise ol’ soul did put forth views similar to mine. But the question remains -why take up such a topic for discussion in the first place??

I am not against following traditions or wearing a sari for that matter. But why is only the sari a mark of tradition? Why not the dhoti, the kurta ? Why does a girl keep having to prove her beliefs in traditon by wearing a sari? When will the ‘ideal wife’ be brought upto date by all the eligible bachelors? When will an ideal wife change from -’sari wearing, flowers on hair, bindi sticking, cooking knowing girl’ to ’smart, independant, self-made, multi-tasking girl who shares her husband’s responsibilities?

A small percentage of guys have attained ‘nirvana’ in this regard but the majority still stand by the sari. The equation remains -

Sari = Good girl; Jeans pant = Easy girl

Pity